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งานเขียน IELTS Writing TASK 2 ที่ Off Topic
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Within a year, young adults often take time to discover themselves before choosing their direction in life. There are countless interesting discoveries outside the classroom to inspire teenagers what they want be in the future. However, having the freedom without guardians can lead to the cause of having juvenile delinquency. This essay will extend both sides of the choice of working or traveling before entering university.
Actually, giving time to students to know themselves before starting university helps teenagers plan their future path easily. Students dream to study in a specific faculty although in fact they often cannot achieve their goal. [Therefore, they have to waste their time as they lack experience to know themselves.] <—off topic! Teenagers grow up by working in real life. They can improve their ordinary studies to be better than those who never had responsibility. From one year of discovering themselves, it is an extremely important part to support their achievement in the future.
On the other hand, to let the juvenile gain real world experiences on their own is very dangerous for those who are innocent in the world. Maybe this is a great chance for criminals to persuade children to become juvenile delinquents. In fact, students do not want to be criminals but their ages after graduation from high school are around nineteen or below; it is very young to know the tricks of criminals. This is a side-effect from releasing children into society without guardians protecting them. In addition, studying in university does not benefit some students who can generate income by themselves. In some students’ views, studying in higher education will increase salary; however, during those times they would have to pay university fees without having any income. Therefore, they do not continue studying.
To conclude, working or traveling before starting university benefits students but they should be consulted by parents about the dangers in society.
Estamate IELTS Band Score: 4.5
IELTS Examiner‘s Comment:
You have not discussed the benefits and drawbacks of travel before studying in university and you have not provided any examples as well. Also, your last point argues against studying at university, which is not in the question. Every line has multiple errors which I would suggest you try to improve first. Learn from the corrections and plan your essay better. Try to focus on talking about everything in the given prompt/question Good luck and try again!